she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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