Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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