Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
