i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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