Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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