omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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