Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
