dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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