i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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