Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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