i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
