was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize