you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
