He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
