I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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