i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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