i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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