Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
