i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
