my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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