I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
