Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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