i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
