I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
