her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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