last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
