My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
