I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
