I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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