Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
