The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We left the knife in your bed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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