you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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