I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
