I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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