alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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