O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
