DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
is wine microwaveable?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
