upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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