My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
