fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
