I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
