the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
