Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
