my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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