I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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