you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
