So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
