Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
