dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
