Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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