i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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