I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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