please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
