whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will be naked everywhere
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
