i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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