Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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