honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
