he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
