When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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