where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
