The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
