my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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